Change

This week has been a rough week in many respects.  What I wish could remain the same is changing and what is staying the status quo needs to be redirected.  This, I have been told, is life and we have got to roll with what comes.  This is awfully tough going when you are in the midst of a "chaotic swirl".  I personally and much more adverse to change than about anything else.  Granted, there are some things I embrace change for... each person has things that they would like to change... but the good things in life are often the things that change the most.  Growing older often in a root cause of this... leaving some activities behind to make room for new ones can be like pulling glass from your eye.  You know that this can help you but somehow, you would rather leave things the way they are than change anymore because you can't really be sure of how much the metamorphosis process will hurt and a dull ache is better than the sting of a water blast in your face.

Take two "pop culture" examples of change.  The first is something I encountered today.  On a "medical mystery" show or whatever you might call it, a patient comes in with really bad stomach pain, Xrays are taken and low and behold, he had swallowed some razor blades while drunk.  This guy also happened to be a veteran who had been through a lot of combat and a lot more surgeries and thus, upon gaining the news that the razor blades could puncture his system if they weren't removed, he said "I'll just wait and see if they pass... It could turn out alright and I am willing to take the chance".  First thought you might have is "what an idiot" and that is what the ER doctor said... but when you look beneath the surface, you see that this isn't so dumb. Whats a bit of razor blades when you have been through war, loosing friends, and having your body cut open multiple times to repair your innards.  Change can be more painful and scary than just waiting it out.

Second is one of my all-time favorite quotes EVER.  It is from the TV show, Everwood.  Ephram Brown, main character, is asked to write about his fatal flaw and he chooses his inability to change.  I won't post the whole thing here but look it up if you have a chance.  He goes through all the ways that change is being resisted on the show (in a subtle way while scenes flash behind his monologue) and then ends with this (paraphrased): finally, the pressure builds so much that we are forced to change and then we recoil, hoping we will never have to change again".  This is how a lot of people take change and the way I sometimes wish I could deal with it as well.

While we are dealing with this dark "valley point" we wish we could climb back up the mountain to our "Mountain Top" experiences... where we wish we could stay forever... but eventually we gotta climb down.  Luckily, many of us are blessed with friends (and amazing family) and that is what I have found this week.  1 John 1:7 says "But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin".  The part of this verse that really sticks out when I read it is "we have fellowship with one another"! Wow... and I have found this to be so true this week.  The faith that my friends and family have shared with me to uplift me in these seemingly "sucky" times.  We are able to remind each other of  God's promises for us and able to have such a deeper impact on each other's lives.  Without this sharing point, the advise and comfort would be slightly diminished from my vantage.  Thank you, God, for allowing fellowship in your light and opening my eyes to the blessings I have in my friends and family! Amen

Penguin Facts

A lot of recent spotlight has been put on Emperor Penguins in the last couple decades. You might have seen March of the Penguins or you might just have learned/read about them during library time in Elementary School- I did both- but they are intriguing birds.  There are some random facts (and reflections) about E. penguins that I think are especially wonderful and I would like to share with you all.

E. penguins meet their yearly mate in the spring. They court, etc. and then, when the weather seems to be getting colder and more harsh (ie june for the South Pole), they all head further south... into the storm.  Once they get to a good spot on a high ice cliff, iceberg or something similar where there is really no resistance from the wind.  The ladies get to laying their one egg for the year (almost always ONLY one) and then they leave to go fishing in the north while the guys sit in a huddle with the eggs on their feet (rather than nesting) and take turns being on the outside, shielding everyone from the cold- the only time they actually move during these couple months is when they take turns shielding the group!  "Let's hear it for the boys!" This all is a fairly epic ordeal- they are all just sitting there waiting for the girls to get back... and they loose 40% of their body weight because of it!  What an amazing sacrifice to make!

So ladies are gone until the ice begins to break up and then they swim and walk back to their mate to bring a little regurgitated food and relieve the guys of their duties.  Hopefully their egg has hatched and their biological fitness is increased (thanks, professors, for instilling that- you should be proud). One question I always have is this: Do the guys miss their girls while they are away?  or is it just a lifeline of food?  Probably more the second because, as they have mixed their DNA, they are both tied to the survival of this baby and they need each other to ensure and increased fitness but sometimes, I would like to think a little bit of both.  Think of how that moment when they hear the call of their mate would bring joy.  Maybe you don't think that penguins can feel such things but I think that all of creation can experience this God feeling and this is one of those times.  Think of how, if you were sitting in the cold winter, giving your warmth to a heat-sucking egg that needs your body heat to survive, how this moment would be what gets your through the really long and almost all dark winter.

What a joy... and that is one thing that I have been experiencing as well.  Can I be a penguin in this regard?  Anticipation can get you far when you are waiting a long time for this wonderful moment to occur.  But unlike our cute penguin friends, life is full of color and warmth in between those points in time and we don't have too sit in the cold dark- as long and we are willing to lift up our heads.

I pray that you are able to find a balance between waiting with penguin anticipation for your mountain top moments of joy as well as seeking the color and beauty in the journey between.  Don't forget to enjoy each moment- don't regret turning the page before the words have been written.

Tumbling

Recently, I mastered my round-off, back handspring.  Tonight, I got a round-off, double- two back handsprings in a row.  As fun and exhilarating as it was, after doing multiple passes (the gymnastics term for a tumbling sequence), I still found myself giving myself a pep talk before starting the run.  I found myself especially in need of a psych-out cheer when attempting passes away from the comfort of the spring floor and  on the not so spring-y mats for practice or the rubber-based track.

This seems to be something pretty elementary when encountering ALL hard things in life.  No matter how many times I have told myself that applying to grad schools will be a breeze, I still feel the anxiety of how much work is yet to be done and the fact that results are not guaranteed compounds these feelings even more. Trying to find how to balance a long term, long distance relationship with no regularities or guarantees has been feeling rather similar.  I can do this!  We done this for so long... we know we can make it!  Why do I find myself saying this in my head over and over and over again?  When will I accept what I am continually reminding myself?

A good friend told me that I need to find strength in myself to do just that.  I also think I need to lean more on God.  Its hard to remember to give Him some time and enjoy what you have in front of you.  Another friend told me that you have to life in the moment you are in or you are never be happy.  SO TRUE!  We are gifted with so many moments- expected and unexpected... and we will miss half of them if we just wait for the expected.

God,  Please help me to await the unexpected moments.  Help me to remember to spend time with You and know that You have created me with so much strength to stand on my own.  Thank you for my amazing tumbling skills and the courage to dive, head first and backwards, towards the ground.  Be with me this week when I'm struggling... and when I am celebrating!

Control

Complete control is something pretty hard to gain- especially in context of your overall life.  I have noticed recently that I can judge how in control of my life I feel by the degree of clean my room is in.  Let me explain this in a bit more detail.  My room is typically crazy messy- things everywhere, can't find half my things without spending time looking.  I don't really bother to place things in very specific places because, well, thats just the way I am most of the time.  But when my life starts feeling really out of control and I can't change it or I get super stressed and need to take a break, I clean.  I do the one thing I hate to do at my lowest, most aggravated point and it helps me to find a balance and calm again.  Funny how that works.

Today in my devotional, I read about perfection.  How God calls us to be perfect but we can't (obviously) and that is where Jesus comes in.  The devotional didn't stop there, however.  It commented on that there are a lot of times when we feel like we can't deal with what we have been given and that we probably should just give up.  In these times of "suck", however, we know that God will equip us with what we need to make it through the horrible times and come out on the other side a whole lot stronger.  God gives us a mess through the good times so we have something to clean (therapeutically) when we are going through a hard time.  He stands by us when we doubt that we can continue on the path we find ourselves on.  It's by God's grace through Jesus that we can make it through what seems impossibly difficult.

"As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, continue to life your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, and established in faith, just as your were taught, abounding in thanksgiving."  Colossians 2:6

Thank you, God, for being our candle in the dark and the light of the world.  Thank you for walking with us.  Help me to be reminded of your presence with me when life feels very heavy.  Amen